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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28663659">Darling</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/curtainremote/pseuds/curtainremote'>curtainremote</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) Actor RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:22:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,867</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28663659</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/curtainremote/pseuds/curtainremote</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The reader encounters someone from her past that she'd rather not see and Daveed steps in.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Daveed Diggs/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Darling</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>A/N: This is literally self-indulgent trash and some of my poorest writing, but... ya girl is trash, okay? She likes coping with trauma by writing about unattainable men protecting her. Lit.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>tw// mentioned sexual assault, brief violence, lots of comfort, so self-indulgent dear god</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Daveed was sitting next to you on the couch, hand on your thigh as the show came to an end. He spent the whole episode drawing shapes on your thigh, crawling higher and higher up your leg...</p><p>“What do you think, you feeling one more episode?” Daveed asked.</p><p>“I’m feeling a little… distracted,” You looked at him and placed a hand over his.</p><p>“By what?” He tilted his head curiously before leaning in and placing a heavy kiss on your neck.</p><p>Fuck, this man <em>knows</em> how you feel about his mouth on your neck.</p><p>“Daveed,” you sighed, both enjoying the sensation and frustrated by his mock-ignorance.</p><p>“Yes, baby?” He asked innocently, beginning to suckle on the delicate skin.</p><p>You squirmed, trying to stay put but ultimately giving up. You turned and straddled his lap.</p><p>“Oh it’s too easy with you,” Daveed murmured with a smirk.</p><p>“Shut up,” You replied, kissing him.</p><p>He kept his hands on your hips to steady you as you held his cheeks. You will never get over how his lips just seemed made for this. You grind down in his lap, rolling your body.</p><p>“Just like that, darling.”</p><p>Suddenly everything changed. Time froze and it’s just you and the memories that were flying through your mind.</p><p>
  <em>Darling.</em>
</p><p>The word immediately pours a slick slime of shame over you. A weight drops in your chest and you feel sick to your stomach. You can’t get away fast enough, scrambling out of Daveed’s lap with a whimper before backing away.</p><p>“DON’T-don’t call me that.”</p><p>Daveed registered the fear in your eyes and watched as you breathed heavily, unable to look at him. He got up from the couch very slowly, not wanting to startle you.</p><p>“Okay, I won’t,” he promised gently, “I won’t.” He had no idea what had just happened, finding himself overwhelmed with confusion and concern.</p><p>All you wanted was for everything to stop, to stop the horrific slideshow flickering in your mind.</p><p>
  <em>Darling.</em>
</p><p>“Please don’t…” you said absently.</p><p>Daveed searched your eyes for a glimmer of your normal self, noting how you were shaking.</p><p>“I’m not gonna do <em>anything</em> you don’t want to,” Daveed reminded, “You know that, right?”</p><p>“Red,” You start to nod, your safeword coming back to you as you held yourself across your stomach, “Red.”</p><p>“That’s right baby, red, it’s done,” Daveed assured you, “Y/N, please, look at me?”</p><p>The command seemed easy and safe enough, so you did as he told you. You saw Daveed standing there, concern deeply etched in his features. Right. Daveed. Not Timothy.</p><p>Daveed.</p><p>You began to come back down from your heightened state.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I…” You tried to gather yourself.</p><p>“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” He replied, slowly approaching you.</p><p>You sucked in a couple breaths, tears rushing to your eyes as a wall of emotion tumbles down on you. “D,” you managed to squeak, vaguely attempting to reach towards him.</p><p>Daveed quickly closed the distance between you.</p><p>“Hey, hey, I’m right here,” He soothed, hands hovering around your shoulders, unsure if you wanted to be touched.</p><p>You stepped forward into his chest, so he wrapped his arms around you.</p><p>“It’s okay, I got you,” Daveed said quietly. He let you cry for a little while as he played back in his mind what had just happened. He didn’t want to imagine that someone had hurt you, but your reaction was hard to deny. His heart broke for you. You had been together for almost a year. How did it never come up?</p><p>You started to calm down a bit.</p><p>“Tell me what you need, Y/N,” Daveed requested gently as he ran his fingers through your hair, “How can I help?”</p><p>“C-Can... I need to shower. Please?” You reply. You had to wash these feelings away. </p><p>“Of course, baby.”</p><p>You run a hot shower and Daveed can hear you crying from outside the bathroom door. You got into your pajamas and Daveed carefully tucked you into bed with him. You clung to him as he continued to whisper soothing words in your ear. A few minutes later, he felt your body finally still, the trembling ceasing, and your breathing evening out. You were fast asleep.</p><p>Daveed sighed, so many questions swirling in his mind, wishing he could fix this. He kissed the top of your head and watched over you as you slept before drifting off.</p><p>---------------</p><p>For weeks, Daveed tried to get you to talk to him about it. Every conversation ended either with you shrugging it off or snapping at Daveed. He tried not to take it personally. He backed off.</p><p>On a Saturday night, you went out with him and a few friends. You were at the bar when someone familiar appeared next to you.</p><p>“Y/N?” She said in disbelief.</p><p>You recognized her once she spoke.</p><p>“Ava!” You replied, “How are you?”</p><p>“I’m good, you?”</p><p>Daveed saw your reunion and came to your side, wrapping an arm around your waist as you did the same to him.</p><p>“Great! This my boyfriend Daveed. Daveed, this is Ava,” you introduce, “We went to college together.”</p><p>“Nice to meet you,” Daveed smiled.</p><p>“You too! A few other people from our class are here,” Ava looked back briefly, flagging someone down before turning back to you, “You remember Timothy? From the baseball team?”</p><p>Your body froze. Your chest became tight as your vision started to shrink. Ava’s mouth was moving but you weren’t listening. The slideshow began to play in your head.</p><p>Daveed felt you stiffen and looked at you, finding your dazed expression.</p><p>“Y/N? You okay?” Daveed looked at you curiously.</p><p>You couldn’t answer. A man arrived next to Ava.</p><p>Timothy.</p><p>You clutched the fabric of Daveed’s shirt, desperate to tell him you wanted to leave, but unable to make a sound. You couldn’t breathe. Timothy was here. In front of you.</p><p>Daveed glanced at the man for a moment before returning his gaze to you.</p><p>“Y/N?” Daveed asked anxiously, recognizing the look in your eyes. He was interrupted as the man spoke.</p><p>“Y/N—long time no see, darling.”</p><p>Daveed was struck by the realization--it was <em>him. </em>He unlaced his arm from behind you and bracketed it across your chest protectively, gently moving you back.</p><p>“Don’t talk to her,” Daveed said in warning, stepping towards him.</p><p>“Whoa, dude, what’s your problem?”</p><p>“Don’t play,” Daveed shook his head with another step forward, Timothy stepping back, “I know what you did.”</p><p>“Oh don’t tell me she—” Timothy scoffed before calling over Daveed’s shoulder to you, “You’re <em>still</em> telling people that?!”</p><p>Daveed grabbed him by the shirt, pushing him back further. “I said don’t fucking talk to her!”</p><p>“She was drunk, man, but I’m telling you, she wanted it.”</p><p>That was enough.</p><p>Daveed wound up and punched him point-blank, dropping him to the ground.</p><p>Daveed paused for a moment, looking down at what he had done. He couldn’t find a hint of remorse within himself. He then refocused to what was important.</p><p>He turned around and saw you with your arms wrapped around yourself, struggling to breathe. Your eyes were glazed over, staring off. You were drowning in <em>darling.</em></p><p>Dirty.</p><p>You understood what had just occurred, but in truth, you hadn’t even seen what happened. Hadn’t heard it either. You were somewhere else entirely—caught between memories, tangled in threads to the past.</p><p>You felt a hand on your shoulder and nearly jumped halfway across the room.</p><p>“It’s okay, it’s me,” Daveed’s rushed voice reached your ears as he gently caught one of your hands, “We’re gonna leave, okay?” He started to lead you and after a few steps, you found yourself outside. You couldn’t stop walking.</p><p><em>Away.</em> You needed to get away from here.</p><p>You kept moving, watching the sidewalk pass beneath you. The slideshow still flickered mercilessly behind your eyes. You felt sick.</p><p>Daveed kept up with you at your side.</p><p>“Slow down, Y/N,” Daveed pleaded, “You need to breathe baby.”</p><p>You didn’t realize until then that you were crying, gasping between sobs.</p><p>Daveed felt terrible. He acted out of pure rage, without even considering how it might affect you. He made everything worse.</p><p>You kept walking. Before you even had another conscious thought about how nauseous you felt, you were turning to throw up in the bushes.</p><p>“Whoa, whoa,” Daveed ground to a halt, gathering up your hair, “Okay, it’s alright.”</p><p>You came up breathless. You grabbed onto Daveed’s wrist. He was the one thread tugging you towards reality, so you held on for dear life.</p><p>“Y/N, you’re okay, you’re safe,” Daveed reassured you, “I’m right here with you.”</p><p>You finally looked up at him.</p><p>“Hey, there you are,” he said quietly, “You with me?”</p><p>You nod.</p><p>“Why don’t we sit down,” He gestured to a nearby bench.</p><p>Your legs felt like jello. You nodded slowly.</p><p>Daveed led you over, your hand never leaving his wrist.</p><p>“Is it okay if I touch you?” Daveed asked.</p><p>You nod again and feel his arms wrap around you. His body is firm and warm against your side. Safe. For some reason, it made you cry even harder.</p><p>“Just breathe, Y/N,” Daveed soothed, “Match my breathing.”</p><p>His chest gently rose and fell against you and you did your best to follow along. You felt his heart beating, dutifully thumping a familiar rhythm. He guided you, encouraged you until you calmed down enough to speak.</p><p>“I… I didn’t think I’d ever have to see him again,” you whispered, “I froze.”</p><p>“That’s normal, Y/N,” Daveed reassured you.</p><p>“I’m sorry I… I never told you.”</p><p>“You don’t have to be sorry.”</p><p>“It was a long time ago and I barely…” You shake your head, “I only remember bits and pieces.”</p><p>You shivered and Daveed held you tighter.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” Daveed said, “That’s…” Daveed’s eyes began to fill with tears as he imagined what you must have felt, so powerless and scared. “I’m so sorry,” he said with a strangled voice, quickly wiping his eyes as subtly as he could.</p><p> “I was so naïve and <em>stupid..</em>.”</p><p>“Y/N, don’t say that!” Daveed replied, almost pained, “He took advantage of you. He was the one who did something wrong.”</p><p>“It doesn’t feel that way,” you respond quietly.</p><p>He kissed the top of your head.</p><p>“I’m sorry about tonight,” Daveed sighed, “I didn’t even think, I just lashed out and-“</p><p>“Are you kidding?” You pull away a little to look up at him, “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do that?! <em>Thank </em>you!”</p><p>A small smile crept onto his face.</p><p>“I love you,” he whispered.</p><p>“I love you too.”</p><p>You stayed tucked into his warm chest the whole way back to your apartment. As you got in bed and his arms wrapped around you, you finally felt clean.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>A/N: leave a comment if you'd like. Thanks for reading :)</strong>
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